This year's Swine Bowl was very memorable. Of course all Swine Bowls are memorable, even though we can't remember them. However, Swine Bowl LII ought to be easier to remember than most, it being the Year of the Great Fire. For a description of this exciting event, I will refer to a letter written recently by your correspondent to certain acquaintances. After providing some background on the nature and history of Swine Bowl, the letter continues:

"...Anyway, last Saturday Jude and I were driving to the game as usual with our kids, and at about 1:30 came across 88th Street and into CPW in time to hear sirens and see the block being cordoned off by cops. Forced to turn uptown, we looked up at 271 and saw clouds of roiling brown smoke billowing out the tenth and eleventh-floor windows, which were all smashed. Crowds were gathering on the sidewalk, glass was all over the street, fire trucks and cop cars were everywhere, and small flocks of police and firemen were running in and out of the building. Was this a dream? It certainly had all the earmarks of one. ("Hey, I dreamt we were all at Swine Bowl and my parents' apartment caught on fire," etc.) But after parking 6 blocks away and then walking back to gape with the rest of the crowd, we established that it was in fact happening. We played the game in a slightly surrealistic daze, as various mop-up operations continued in sight of the field...."

 

Fire starts		After the fire

Even the most sporadic Swine Bowl participants will have by now discerned that the conflagration in question took place in the former apartment of the late Morris and Rose Breslaw, spectators at many a Swine Bowl and hosts of many Swine-related activities. The letter quoted above was written to Gary Trudeau and Jane Pauley, who ten or twelve years ago bought the apartment upstairs from Morris and Rose and incorporated it into a duplex, and then just this year sold the whole shebang for a cool $13 million. They moved out a few months ago. Both floors of the apartment were being worked on and were luckily vacant at the time of the fire. As I said to Gary and Jane, it's mind-boggling that this all happened exactly the one moment of the year we were there to see it. I'll put the whole letter on the web site for anyone who wants to read it.

So, what else? In pre-game activity, there was a significant break with tradition in that there was no gathering at the Hunan Balcony Friday night. Instead Michael Waltuch hosted a small pizza party at his apartment, attended by Boom and Kay and the Breslaw/Tharingers. Also, some very strange phone and e-mail messages were noted in the days leading up to Swine Bowl: Tony Hill, when notifying Boom that Simon was planning to come to the game, was told by Boom that he, Boom, "knew nothing about it" (i.e, the game, whether it was happening, etc.). Peter Greeman, around the same time, inquired by e-mail whether Swine Bowl was "on". It is almost inconceivable that some of our most steadfast senior members could entertain doubts and confusions of this nature, but we attribute this to temporary mental derangement caused by a combination of toxic chemicals in the atmosphere and the distraction of the war in Iraq.

On-field report: Present (in no particular order) were Attorney M. Craner, J. Rhino, Aaron Beezlow (flown in from San Francisco), the Breslaw-Tharingers (including Allie, Cassie, and Sam), global magnate Michael Waltuch, along with his friend Ellin Doyle and her daughter Sara Goodhue, Peegree, Teegree, M. Lance Parrot, Jenny Greeman (back from a year's absence after mysteriously failing to show up for her father's spectacular appearance in Swine Bowl LI), Simon Hill and friend Margot Myers, and, most incredibly, Ellis Purdy (aka Rob Robbins), playing in the Swine Bowl at the astonishing age of 106 with all of his usual speed and vigor. How does he do it? Notable absences: Uncle Meatball, Polly, Tony, Robert Grobe (pleading illness), Ed Greenblat (who's changed his name to Greeblat), Nick Taylor along with last year's budding superstars Dustin and Courtney, and our other budding superstars from last year, Rachel and Ben Greeman. So not by any means a full complement, but still a respectable turnout and a very mellow crowd.

Ellis Purdy, Boom, Mitch

The game itself was--well, what can one's correspondent say? One more triumphant occasion. Needless to say, Jenny Greeman (filling in for dad) defeated Boom in mano a mano combat for the Greeman family's 48th consecutive triumph.

View more mano a mano combat pics.

The Bonet Avenue team being somewhat shorthanded, several of Boom's team (Jody, Aaron, and your correspondent) offered (quite gallantly, in my opinion) to switch sides, just to even things out a bit. There was the usual plethora of trick plays, oddball tactics, dishonest strategies, and outright cheating, all of which were accepted with uncommon grace by both sides. This included, most egregiously, a touchdown pass thrown by Michael Waltuch to your correspondent, who had switched momentarily back to his old team but admittedly may have been a tad offside on the play. Many touchdowns were scored, most of them by Sam Breslaw on runbacks of interceptions (the official tally shows that the Boomians scored more often on defense than on offense). For some reason, the Hertzian quarterbacks persisted in firing passes directly at Sammy B., in retrospect not a particularly effective strategy, although it was argued in defense that he would probably have intercepted them anyway. Notwithstanding these offensive lapses, Captain Jenny Greeman filled her leadership role admirably, taking charge of every situation, skillfully manipulating her personnel, brilliantly calling plays, and inspiring her team with a powerful charisma. Jody Breslaw added to his already considerable lead in total lifetime punting altitude, while easily retaining his #1 ranking in average altitude per punt (no one else is even close). Most of the running, leaping, and catching was done by the second-generation Swine quartet of Allie, Sam, Aaron, and Simon, although the most remarked-on receptions of the day were by Peter Greeman, Cassie Tharinger and Ellis Purdy (the latter brought the crowd to its feet with an acrobatic diving catch, while J. Breslaw and M. Craner electrified spectators on several occasions with bruising collisions that left them sprawling on the ground but unhurt). Stalwart line play and pass rushing was exhibited by two outstanding rookies, Margot Myers and Sara Goodhue, while veteran linebacker Judy Tharinger seemed to be all over the field hounding receivers, especially her husband, whom she was annoyed with for playing on the other side. It's worth observing that the players-to-spectators ratio was probably higher than at any other Swine Bowl within memory. In fact, there was only one spectator: Julie. (Every year we try to get Julie to play and every year she offers lame excuses.) Wait, make that two spectators--Ellin Doyle, arriving with 3:47 left in the third period, proceeded to merely watch from the sidelines, claiming (talk about lame excuses) a bad ankle (since when has total immobility ever kept a true Swine away from the thick of the action?).

 

Those who played this year also had the delightful opportunity to participate in the annual altercation with the Central Park Conservancy, ongoing now for about 5 years, over the Swine Banner. This year's altercation had a slightly nastier tone to it than some. After the Conservancy's representative came by on his little cart and told us to take the banner down from around the big tree (it was probably strangling the tree, which no doubt would have toppled in a few more minutes, if not for the vigilance of this stellar public--or should I say private--servant), he putt-putted off toward the reservoir, only to reappear moments later in a somewhat belligerent mood. He had apparently overheard and taken offense at certain deprecatory remarks uttered by some of the Swine (who perhaps should have known better), and proceeded to upbraid the assemblage with a lecture on park decorum. At that point the conflict escalated a bit, leading to insults and threats on both sides, but finally cooler heads prevailed and the episode ended without violence or police intervention. (The police were probably too busy with the fire to bang heads.) No one could decide if Uncle Meatball's not being there was a lucky thing or not.

As always, Swine Bowl ended in a tie (no surprise, since tie scores have been mandated since 1985), finally achieved at around 3:45 PM. Afterwards a magnificent reception was hosted by Boom and Kay, in which the teams were joined by a number of late arrivals: Tammy Greeman, Cathy Robbins (soon to be famous author of a book on Indians), Helene and Andrew Craner, Mark and Anya Taylor, Sheila Breslaw, and in a surprise appearance, Karl Rove, who announced that he was gay, but favored putting homosexuals to death anyway. Everyone ate corned beef, drank booze, talked to faraway swine like Tony and Bob & Connie, and generally had a lovely time. Hey, we forgot to call Uncle Meatball, although perhaps it was the middle of the French night. (The French always have to be different.) Anyway, why didn't Uncle Meatball call us? After all, he knew exactly where we were. He may have been too busy leading gangs of young Arabs and Africans in street riots. It's been a long time since Uncle M. has burned cars and thrown rocks at the police. It's certainly good to see him back in the swing of it.

That's the scoop on this years Swine Bowl. If anyone has any omissions or corrections to record, or anything to add, please reply by group e-mail, and then Julie can put it on the web site. Also PHOTOS!! If anyone has digital photos, please e-mail them to Julie for the site. CONTRIBUTIONS. It's time once again for our $10 annual contributions to the web site upkeep, but Julie reports that thanks to a generous three-figure grant from the David Greeman Foundation we are more-or-less covered through the year. But it wouldn't hurt to get a little ahead. Send checks (or a $10 bill) to Julie.

Respectfully Submitted, D. Dogge, Official Reporter